as you can see, i haven’t had anything to write about in a very long time.
actually that’s a big fat lie. i’ve had a ton to write about, but nothing losingbee related.
and it sucks
let me fill you in since the last post.
pull up a chair, i have a feeling this is going to be a long one.
last i wrote, i had rediscovered my love for running
and then the shin splints happened, and suddenly my love turned into horrible fear.
i would run until i was in so much pain i couldn’t handle it anymore.
i would be far from home and hardly able to walk…i don’t know how i made it home sometimes.
so i bought a pair of extremely expensive runners and insoles…and was ready to try.
i got to go for a run once or twice and my shins felt a little bit better…and then life happened.
i got super busy (and stressed) packing up the last 20 years of my life and moving.
running could wait until that was done.
somehow, during this move…i lost a box of shoes. all fairly brand new pairs of shoes…one pair being my super expensive runners (and my wii. where the hell did my wii go?)
granted, i didn’t know it at the time
because then this happened:
the cider was just for show
they wouldn’t xray it, saying it was just a really bad sprain
fast forward to today…over 4 months later…and it still hurts and it still gets swollen and even walking a fair distance is hard.
me thinks i should go get it checked out again.
and all of these meds came with horrible side effects.
some may argue that moodiness was the worst side effect and my bodacious ta ta’s were the bonus
i would disagree.
then add to this the fact that i quit smoking. it’s been 54 days, 14 hours, 59 minutes and 56 seconds (but really whose counting)
so just imagine. moodiness and quitting smoking
i must be a JOY to be around.
and then there is that amazing cycle so many of us are familiar with.
you feel like crap, you feel like crap for gaining weight, so you eat crap food and then feel even more crappy cause you feel like crap
lather rinse repeat.
and it makes me feel like crap.
i have entered a very new and important chapter in my life.
unhealthy isn’t an option.
i started again.
but maybe it will get stronger as i get stronger
and hopefully thinner
and besides…eating healthy is never a bad thing.
so that’s my news
what’s new with you?
i won’t even go into why i haven’t been here
other than i have been extremely busy with some things…and sedentary with other things
as you can imagine
i am tired of excuses.
not that i am not busy…because i am…
i’ve been struggling to find the time to go to the gym
you know, the one that is two seconds away from my home.
but the truth is…
wait for it…
i don’t like the gym.
the gym feels like a chore.
it doesn’t thrill me or excite me
it makes me dread working out.
i realized i was happiest working out at home or going for my long 5k walks
i realized i am introverted even in my work outs.
i just want to be alone.
i wanted to do something different than just walk…
i enjoy walking but i wanted to push myself more
wanted to burn more calories and feel my body burn
call me weird…but i love that feeling
so i started to run.
if you haven’t read my blog before let me fill you in on why this is a huge deal.
i stopped running many many years ago
dare i say 20?
i used to run.
all the time.
i would wake up at a god awful hour in the morning and go for a run
i loved it.
then i got hit by a car…and it was game over.
i never attempted running again, only because i have been terrified.
see, even sprinting across the street can cause my ankles to lock and make me fall flat on my face.
but something told me to try.
and i did.
i was completely overwhelmed…
it felt amazing, i felt amazing…
am i outta shape? my god yes.
but not for long
and hey, i have yet to fall on my face (give it time, it’s bound to happen…and i am sure in front of a huge crowd of people, cause that’s how i roll)
i have this awesome app on my phone that tells me what to do
when to run and when to walk
i play my awesome music that makes me want to move
i am alone…in my head…
and on my way to getting fit
i can’t walk right now
i can’t get up off the couch without groaning
but it’s a good pain.
a great pain actually.
i can’t wait to get out there again.
i think i found my mojo!
i have a blog – you know – about health and weight loss
let me tell you something.
i’ve been lost.
so very lost
i haven’t seen the inside of the gym since last February, although i see it every single day from the outside.
i’ve had good intentions. honestly.
but truth be told…i’ve been bummed out.
alot has happened…and i let negativity get the best of me.
i’ve been through some serious life changes. lost some people that meant the world to me.
so i decided…not to care.
it wasn’t a conscious decision.
i think it was…
i just couldn’t move.
it was easier to sit on my couch and feel badly.
because it almost felt wrong feeling good.
i’ve maintained pretty well considering.
obviously i’ve gained some weight – and i feel so sluggish and blah it’s unbelievable.
but i still fit into my clothes.
let me tell you something. just because you fit into your clothes – doesn’t mean you should be wearing them.
it’s an all consuming thing…this thing that i am living through.
i hate feeling poorly…and yet i contribute to it daily.
i forget sometimes that i have people in my life that love me unconditionally…just the way i am.
how is it that i let those that love me with conditions affect me more than those that love for exactly who i am?
it’s true…my time is limited. i don’t know where i could possibly fit in the gym these days.
and so it’s easier to just sit here
and feel badly about it.
i have motivation – somewhere in there
i’ve got all the work out dvd’s i could ever want.
and i have good intentions…and a gym right next door.
i’ve let this thing hurt me more than it should.
i’m actually letting it win – by not doing anything about it.
it is what it is…and it’s not going to change.
it’s a new chapter in my life i gotta get used to living.
it’s just hard when people you love – stop loving you.
it changes you.
besides, wordpress renewed my domain without giving me any notice…so i have a year to fill this space up.
so sadly – you are stuck with me.
truth is…i want me back
i want to feel comfortable in my skin again
i want to feel healthy and energetic…and ok.
i’ve let all this crap affect me for way too long – that i can’t use it as an excuse anymore.
i just need help.
just wanted to come here to let you all know – that i am on my way
i am coming back…
if i don’t – evil wins
and i am better than that
better than them.
help me find my mojo?
am i actually blogging???
meh, i don’t blame you.
i’ve been busy. crazy busy. so busy that i’ve let this place go.
let’s see…what’s new
everything and nothing.
the gym has been non existent, the eating has been pretty good…except for the random splurge on weekends.
i did acquire another bundle of joy.
so really – i am getting quite a bit of exercise. i am actually more exhausted these days then when i actually had time for the gym.
i don’t settle in till at least after 8 – and then by 10 – i am walking the critters again. to say i am exhausted is an understatement.
i am sure i am burning a million calories with this heat wave. it is hot over here…you break out in a sweat just breathing.
So for those of you that think Canadians live in igloos – oh think again my friends….think again.
did i mention LB is in a cast with a broken finger?….so yeah things are just insanely busy.
i may just cry things are so busy
i have two more days until i am on vacation. it’s a staycation – but i am so looking forward to it.
so that’s pretty much my news.
what’s new with you?
my life has changed a lot in the past few months.
to actually tell you how it’s changed? well i can’t. lol
i am not too sure what has changed, or why suddenly it feels like i have no time to myself.
i am pretty much go-go-go until the dinner dishes are washed – which is normally well after 7.
by the time i am able to sit and chill – it’s after 8.
by then – i am just dead. absolutely exhausted.
it also seems that that is the only window of opportunity i have to go to the gym.
right after work just doesn’t fit into my life anymore.
i have too much to do and not enough time to do it.
believe me, i’ve looked at different scenarios – and nothing seems to fit.
so i am debating whether i should quit the gym.
for the past few months all i’ve done is pay them.
i could go after 8 – but by that point i’ve checked out…i am so completely done with the day.
i can’t even imagine willingly getting on a cardio machine.
but it seems like that is my only option and one that i am not overly thrilled about.
oh – i know there’s the morning…but i can’t even get out of bed on time for work, never mind waking up at 5 to work out.
it just doesn’t work in my life. me and the morning are not friends.
there is no point in denying that i am just not a morning person.
and so – what to do what to do? do i just cancel the gym – or kick myself in the ass and go after 8?
it takes a lot to get me to smile these days…
but you wanna know what makes me happy?
Dollar Days are back at McDonald’s.
that means i get my iced coffee for a buck.
now that makes me happy. (even though don’t include the large coffees in that – anywaaaays)
but what makes me even more happy than that????
they now have sugar free vanilla flavouring!!!!!
that means that they won’t screw up my order 99.9% of the time!!
i am sitting here sipping on my iced coffee – sugar free iced coffee that is
listening to Sara B’s new album. have you heard it?
and then i am gonna take a nap
all this makes me happy.
click here for some sara lovin’
i want these shoes.
i don’t want them a little bit – i want them a lot.
i am really good with my shoes. like freakishly good with them.
i am as good to my shoes as i am to my books.
if you know me in real life you know i won’t even loan out my books – in fear that you will not treat them with respect and damage them
the spines of all my books are in perfect condition.
anyways i have gone totally off topic.
my current runners were purchased in New York – the year? 2005.
i wish i had them with me to take a picture of them – they are in amazing condition.
A beautiful pair of Adidas.
i wear them to the gym – on walks – and when i Zumba.
granted these are not worn every day…but for 7 years old – they have a lot of life left in them.
but i think it’s time to add to my shoe collection.
and these Nikes are so perdy!! they look so comfortable – perhaps they will inspire me to work out more.
or – i could just wear them at home and admire them whilst i sit my ass on my couch
but seriously – i need these shoes.
me love these shoes.
there was no hula hooping, zumba-ing, trampolining done this week.
i think that inhaling and exhaling took more effort than anything.
i got knocked on my ass something fierce…
i came down with something on Tuesday. it started with an annoying tickle in my throat – and then it felt like i swallowed razor blades – and someone was sitting on my chest,
to some god awful head cold turned to flu.
Thursday – was a hot day. i do believe it was 31 degrees with the humidex. i took a scalding hot bath, put on my fat pants, t-shirt, sweatshirt and blanky – and i was still shaking i was so cold.
i actually contemplated turning on the fire place…but it just felt wrong. lol
and then it decided to turn into a full on head cold – again.
of course i was sick. i had a very important event to attend over the weekend – i’ve been waiting months to go – of course i would get my ass whipped.
i expected nothing less.
but i made it. na-na-na-na-na you stupid cold – you didn’t win.
i feel much more myself today. sure i can’t breathe and i am coughing up a lung – but i feel worlds better.
i decided to go grocery shopping, then go out and totally clean my nasty car…i just finished a wonderful dinner i made…and now i am ready to have a chill Sunday.
i am going to make myself an extra spicy Caesar – all in the name of health but of course.
if i am feeling like i won’t hack out my lungs tomorrow – i’ll get my Zumba on
based on the pictures that were taken this weekend – mamma might wanna get on the exercise train sooner than later.
but for tonight – it shall be a Caesar, perhaps even my new low carb beer i found. ok so it’s not so new – it’s Molson 67 – with lime. the lime bit is the new part
i swear there is no alcohol in it tho.
and i will hopefully finish the book that Portia De Rossi wrote – Unbearable Lightness. my feelings about this book are so all over the place i am sure there will be a blog post about that in the future.
have any of you read it? thoughts???
enjoy your Sunday night everyone.
i always come up with the greatest ideas.
i heard it from someone, who heard it from someone, who heard it from someones best friends cousins husbands father…
that hula hoops were a good tool for weight loss.
so i googled it – and google said, “why yes bee, this is true”
so if google said so…well it had to be true!!!
so i thought – damn! i used to be an amazing hula hooping kinda girl when i was like 12…
and i kick everyone’s ass on my wii virtual hula hoop
why don’t i just go buy myself a real hula hoop???
so off i went to walmart and voila – a hula hoop was purchased.
i so totally believed i would look like this:
i am woman enough to admit – that i don’t look anything like this.
not even close.
ask LB…when she gets off the floor…and stops laughing
anyways…i am lucky if i can get that thing to spin around my hips 3 times
i don’t look sexy, or at ease.
i look constipated…
i look like a middle aged woman having a seizure.
that hula hoop challenge on the wii gave me a false sense of super-stardom
i used to be good.
now not so much.
i have resorted to watching “how to” videos on youtube.
and i gotta say – no matter which way you slice it…bee’s got no rhythm.
i am not gonna give up. i mean even failing at it has made me break out in a sweat…so that can’t be a bad thing.
man – where is the 12 year old me to teach me a move or 2?
meh – best she stay away – i’d hate to break a hip.
also – in my quest to find the hula hoop – i found me a trampoline.
yes – i bought myself a trampoline.
cause google said it was a kick ass work out.
it is currently in my trunk – in a million pieces. the box says “some assembly required”
i am not too good with putting things together. not too sure how much faith i have in myself putting that together.
i mean, this is something i will be jumping on.
it’s bad enough i see clearly how bad of an idea it is to own a trampoline when you are as accident prone as i am…
but what if i don’t put that together correctly???
how do i explain that to the doctor’s at emerg???
maybe when LB can catch her breath and get up off the floor – i’ll ask her to help me.